Another night where I dream of her before I sleep… if I sleep. I am sure I will, as I did last night when my body gave out and my mind was exhausted. But again that will not come for many hours I suspect. My wolf is a fighter, thought we believe she pushes herself too far at times. I hope she sees that she is not alone and does not have to act as such. Tonight I think about laying with her all night, being one of two that will flank her and support her through the night, as we do in life. In the morning we would go to the beach that she loves and watch her surf the day away. I close my eyes now and I can see the smile that would light up her face. I feel a warmth at that image, one that comes from the joy of knowing someone you love is happy, and a warmth that was lite by spark generated by the curve of her lips… one that always ignites an inferno within my soul.
Can sleep truly come when your heart is filled with worry? I can feel my bodies need to sleep, but my mind is racing. I am projected to that room where she sleeps alone and in turmoil. Thought I know that as I write this short post, her heart now walks to be with her and show her the beauty of the world when she wakes. Those hearts are the beauty of my world as well right now, and while I strive to better myself I feel guilt that I am not there to help yet. The guilt I feel I hope pushes me to be better, and to focus on more than just academia alone; my health is as important to my future as that. With hope one day soon I will be able to give support to them both; beyond the limitations that I now endure under from a distance.